You think about how Mira would have squealed. Romance isn't really your favorite genre, but...
... You do have experience with this.) ]
When I was traveling, I... didn't have much of myself. For a long, long time, I was okay with being someone who took up a little space and left in the morning. Who didn't... really stick somewhere. My family members... showed me different, and made me want to be someone with weight.
[ They gave him the world. ]
The person I am now... is because of them, in a lot of ways. [ Because Siffrin isn't anyone.
Someone with no memories is no one at all. ] So I decided to stay with them, and be with them, for as long as I can be. For as long as they want me. I don't try to make up for what they gave me, since... they don't realize it, but I always help if I can, and cheer them up when they're down. I'm a good listener, and don't mind if they talk a lot, and I like to sit in silence with them too.
[ What do you give a guy that gives you the world... ]
... Consistency, I guess. I had to get used to people being there for me, too.
[ (And you still lie to them. Such a bad person, you are.) ]
[He gives Siffrin a look - a little smile, his eyebrows turned up in that weird little way that makes his eyes appear sad.]
Wouldn't ya know it. You and I are cut from the same cloth!
[A wink, but it almost feels a little forced - the clown is laughing on stage, caked in makeup.]
The likes of me are good for...shadowy comic relief! That is, to say. I'm a background kinda guy. So I'm there. Not really there. It's a whole thing. This is all real new to me.
[ No wonder Elysium couldn't leave him be. Is it a surprise that there's a returning fire, when that traveler is the same way?
...
Though, Siffrin's learned more than Elysium has liked them to about him, probably, by his own hand. Munch. ]
He's a nosy guy. Bites off more than he can chew. Doesn't have any ill intentions with it, but doesn't land anywhere himself. As travelers, I get it. Though... the reason we travel is different.
[ Neither of them can return to where they've been. One doesn't want to, and one literally can't -- it no longer exists, and for the other it's better if they don't. That's... how Siffrin's gauged it, and after a moment he huffs a soft laugh. ]
Elysium gives others a lot of things he should want for himself, but doesn't. He values freedom a lot. But I think that makes him lonely, too. Thoughts?
[And then another little laugh, punctuating that.]
We did that once, in a far-off dream in a far-off land. My thoughts, since you asked so nicely...he is lonely. He's a bird, y'know. I know a bit about him. Something happened that...changed his path in life, so to speak. But he puts it all on the inside, that fella...and it eats him up. He lets it.
[ Siffrin wonders if it has anything to do with the Catastrophes Elysium mentioned once. Maybe, probably. It hasn't come up since. ]
... Everyone has something they can't let go.
[ Gebura and the moments she failed, or others failed her. Callisto and his upbringing, a dreadful courtlife spent always watching his own back. Elysium and the ubrupt change in his life, that made him into a traveler who didn't have anywhere he wanted to be. Siffrin...
... ]
You can't... pry it from their hands, or try to hand them enough to make them drop it. But I think that... he ends up sharing it when he does things for others. The things he can't let go, the things he wants for himself.
[ (You get it.
You're the same way. It's why there's a kind of understanding, one that you share with Loop, too. Something aggravating and comforting. Similarities in a mirroring way. You think of the way Elysium slackened, as if his strings had been cut. An acceptance. A resignation. But not in a bad way.) ]
He isn't bothered by your gifts, by the way. But I don't think he knows what to do with them. His room is pretty barren, and a traveler keeps only what they can carry -- especially one that travels because he has nowhere he wants to be.
[He bows his head, then raises his hands to clutch the back of his neck, blue hair falling down around his face to obscure the expression. Maybe its happiness, maybe its a frown, maybe its one of anger. His voice is still the same.]
That so. [A little bit of a chipper tone.] He doesn't know what to do with them, huh? And then he gives me a copy of my world as a gift. That winter wonderland. I really don't get it, my fine fellow. He gives a homesick fool like me something like that, but he has nowhere he wants to be.
[....]
Is a guy meant to be like that until the day he dies, Siffrin? Alone at the edge of a universe. Humming a tune.
Elysium literally gave him a world. You're definitely going to remember that to tease him later.)
Siffrin watches him for a moment more, then turns back to the ocean and kicks their feet as they eat another cookie. Sampo really seems like he might be going through it; they often pull down their hat when they don't want to be seen, too. Gebura looks away, so Siffrin looks away. ]
Nope. Don't think he wants it that way, either.
[ Just a hunch, from one traveler to the next.
... Sampo is getting another cookie laid in his lap. ]
And... if you want to be someone who stands next to him, then you have to be prepared to keep following him until he stops, or... the universe ends. Patiently, steadfastly, until he starts to turn back around to see if you're still there. And then... be there. Even if it takes a while, even when he's given you no reason... it can't be to make up for what he gave you, it's... just because you'd like to be.
[ Or is that too real for a clown?
...
(It's too real for an actor, sometimes. Knowing that they'll still all leave you no problem once it's all over. You'd like to stay with them forever. Your family members.) ]
[The cookie is placed on his lap. Sampo jerks a bit, as if surprised, raising his head cartoonishly-
and then lets out a little laugh. Aha would be proud, to find Elation in the littlest things, like he has to scrabble them out of misery.]
I see, I see. Good advice there. Ol' Sampo Koski will take that to heart. Though,I don't want to go too far to put that bird in a cage. What a tough situation I'm in...
[A chomp of the cookie - as mercurial as ever, he's smiling, as if he wasn't hanging his head before.]
[(How frustrating. How very frustrating. He wants to grit his teeth. That resentment bred - ah, there's no letting go of it now.)]
Mm. [He swallows, before rolling his shoulders back, shrugging the weight of it off (for a moment.).] It sounds like you're speaking from experience. I'm quite used to being chased. I should be telling that to others, too! Have you told that to anyone you care for?
[ Like? Siffrin is always there, and always checking behind to see if he's followed when wanted. Almost as if he doesn't trust them not to be. But this is not Siffrin problem time. ]
I don't think you need to cage him, and if you're worried about it then you won't, but... knowing he has a window to come back to is enough. Probably.
[ Simple answer. Another that doesn't apply to Siffrin himself!!! ]
People like reminders. It doesn't matter if Elysium gets it, just that he knows.
[ ... Kicking feet a little less now. ]
Elysium... is my friend. He's letting me stay in his room since mine was next to the one that got destroyed, and while seeing him frazzled was... funny, I don't want him to dread coming back. He said you were harassing him, but I don't think it's in a bad way. [ This
was just some shovel talk? Some kind of sussing out? Is that what this was??? ] I think he appreciates it, he just doesn't know how to, um... react? Handle it... and all.
Agh....what a blow. Using your ol' friend's words against him!
[He makes a little dramatic gesture with his hand on his chest, like he's lamenting a blow.]
...But yeah. Of course. [He's back to calm and casual now, smile quirked up to the side with definite affection. If this is a shovel talk, he's never felt less threatened.] I can't help it. I like little surprises like that. There's something...joyful in it, y'know? You have to take the good stuff coming at you when you least expect it. Buuuut....I get it! I get it.
[ The theatre is something Siffrin enjoys, so seeing someone so lively is nice... ]
Thank you. I'll let him try your cookies next time and see what he thinks... and I'll take down the trap, too. He won't know as long as you don't over do it.
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[He hangs down - an almost cartoonish little position, with shoulders sagging and arms dangling between his legs. Another sigh.]
[He will eat his cookie, though. Nom.]
What do you give a guy who gives you the world?
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You think about how Mira would have squealed. Romance isn't really your favorite genre, but...
... You do have experience with this.) ]
When I was traveling, I... didn't have much of myself. For a long, long time, I was okay with being someone who took up a little space and left in the morning. Who didn't... really stick somewhere. My family members... showed me different, and made me want to be someone with weight.
[ They gave him the world. ]
The person I am now... is because of them, in a lot of ways. [ Because Siffrin isn't anyone.
Someone with no memories is no one at all. ] So I decided to stay with them, and be with them, for as long as I can be. For as long as they want me. I don't try to make up for what they gave me, since... they don't realize it, but I always help if I can, and cheer them up when they're down. I'm a good listener, and don't mind if they talk a lot, and I like to sit in silence with them too.
[ What do you give a guy that gives you the world... ]
... Consistency, I guess. I had to get used to people being there for me, too.
[ (And you still lie to them. Such a bad person, you are.) ]
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[He gives Siffrin a look - a little smile, his eyebrows turned up in that weird little way that makes his eyes appear sad.]
Wouldn't ya know it. You and I are cut from the same cloth!
[A wink, but it almost feels a little forced - the clown is laughing on stage, caked in makeup.]
The likes of me are good for...shadowy comic relief! That is, to say. I'm a background kinda guy. So I'm there. Not really there. It's a whole thing. This is all real new to me.
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...
Though, Siffrin's learned more than Elysium has liked them to about him, probably, by his own hand. Munch. ]
He's a nosy guy. Bites off more than he can chew. Doesn't have any ill intentions with it, but doesn't land anywhere himself. As travelers, I get it. Though... the reason we travel is different.
[ Neither of them can return to where they've been. One doesn't want to, and one literally can't -- it no longer exists, and for the other it's better if they don't. That's... how Siffrin's gauged it, and after a moment he huffs a soft laugh. ]
Elysium gives others a lot of things he should want for himself, but doesn't. He values freedom a lot. But I think that makes him lonely, too. Thoughts?
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My thoughts...you wanna know my thoughts? Let's see.
[A pause, tilting his head almost playfully, considering, before he breaks into a little song-]
Alone at the edge of a universe humming a tune...for merely dreaming we were snow...hm, hm, hmmmm....
[And then another little laugh, punctuating that.]
We did that once, in a far-off dream in a far-off land. My thoughts, since you asked so nicely...he is lonely. He's a bird, y'know. I know a bit about him. Something happened that...changed his path in life, so to speak. But he puts it all on the inside, that fella...and it eats him up. He lets it.
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... Everyone has something they can't let go.
[ Gebura and the moments she failed, or others failed her. Callisto and his upbringing, a dreadful courtlife spent always watching his own back. Elysium and the ubrupt change in his life, that made him into a traveler who didn't have anywhere he wanted to be. Siffrin...
... ]
You can't... pry it from their hands, or try to hand them enough to make them drop it. But I think that... he ends up sharing it when he does things for others. The things he can't let go, the things he wants for himself.
[ (You get it.
You're the same way. It's why there's a kind of understanding, one that you share with Loop, too. Something aggravating and comforting. Similarities in a mirroring way. You think of the way Elysium slackened, as if his strings had been cut. An acceptance. A resignation. But not in a bad way.) ]
He isn't bothered by your gifts, by the way. But I don't think he knows what to do with them. His room is pretty barren, and a traveler keeps only what they can carry -- especially one that travels because he has nowhere he wants to be.
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[He bows his head, then raises his hands to clutch the back of his neck, blue hair falling down around his face to obscure the expression. Maybe its happiness, maybe its a frown, maybe its one of anger. His voice is still the same.]
That so. [A little bit of a chipper tone.] He doesn't know what to do with them, huh? And then he gives me a copy of my world as a gift. That winter wonderland. I really don't get it, my fine fellow. He gives a homesick fool like me something like that, but he has nowhere he wants to be.
[....]
Is a guy meant to be like that until the day he dies, Siffrin? Alone at the edge of a universe. Humming a tune.
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Elysium literally gave him a world. You're definitely going to remember that to tease him later.)
Siffrin watches him for a moment more, then turns back to the ocean and kicks their feet as they eat another cookie. Sampo really seems like he might be going through it; they often pull down their hat when they don't want to be seen, too. Gebura looks away, so Siffrin looks away. ]
Nope. Don't think he wants it that way, either.
[ Just a hunch, from one traveler to the next.
... Sampo is getting another cookie laid in his lap. ]
And... if you want to be someone who stands next to him, then you have to be prepared to keep following him until he stops, or... the universe ends. Patiently, steadfastly, until he starts to turn back around to see if you're still there. And then... be there. Even if it takes a while, even when he's given you no reason... it can't be to make up for what he gave you, it's... just because you'd like to be.
[ Or is that too real for a clown?
...
(It's too real for an actor, sometimes. Knowing that they'll still all leave you no problem once it's all over. You'd like to stay with them forever. Your family members.) ]
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and then lets out a little laugh. Aha would be proud, to find Elation in the littlest things, like he has to scrabble them out of misery.]
I see, I see. Good advice there. Ol' Sampo Koski will take that to heart. Though,I don't want to go too far to put that bird in a cage. What a tough situation I'm in...
[A chomp of the cookie - as mercurial as ever, he's smiling, as if he wasn't hanging his head before.]
[(How frustrating. How very frustrating. He wants to grit his teeth. That resentment bred - ah, there's no letting go of it now.)]
Mm. [He swallows, before rolling his shoulders back, shrugging the weight of it off (for a moment.).] It sounds like you're speaking from experience. I'm quite used to being chased. I should be telling that to others, too! Have you told that to anyone you care for?
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[ Like? Siffrin is always there, and always checking behind to see if he's followed when wanted. Almost as if he doesn't trust them not to be. But this is not Siffrin problem time. ]
I don't think you need to cage him, and if you're worried about it then you won't, but... knowing he has a window to come back to is enough. Probably.
[ Munch!!! ]
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[Be there in someone's life but then again...don't be there at all. Keep the balance.]
[Siffrin's notion of a "window" is something to think over, and he purses his lips at it.]
And what if it's not enough? What then?
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... Do you want to trust him?
[ Not if he does, but if he wants to. An active choice. ]
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[A little snap of the fingers, the bottom eyelids pulled up to give him a momentary little mirthful look, like that of a theater mask.]
Does he want to trust me?
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Do you want him to?
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Hrmmmmm.
[HMMMMMMMM okay he is done thinking.]
Leaning towards yes evem though by all accounts most would say no!
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Then you should tell him that.
[ Simple answer. Another that doesn't apply to Siffrin himself!!! ]
People like reminders. It doesn't matter if Elysium gets it, just that he knows.
[ ... Kicking feet a little less now. ]
Elysium... is my friend. He's letting me stay in his room since mine was next to the one that got destroyed, and while seeing him frazzled was... funny, I don't want him to dread coming back. He said you were harassing him, but I don't think it's in a bad way. [ This
was just some shovel talk? Some kind of sussing out? Is that what this was??? ] I think he appreciates it, he just doesn't know how to, um... react? Handle it... and all.
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[He makes a little dramatic gesture with his hand on his chest, like he's lamenting a blow.]
...But yeah. Of course. [He's back to calm and casual now, smile quirked up to the side with definite affection. If this is a shovel talk, he's never felt less threatened.] I can't help it. I like little surprises like that. There's something...joyful in it, y'know? You have to take the good stuff coming at you when you least expect it. Buuuut....I get it! I get it.
[A little apologetic shrug.]
I'll tone it down. Sampo Koski can be a bit much.
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Thank you. I'll let him try your cookies next time and see what he thinks... and I'll take down the trap, too. He won't know as long as you don't over do it.